We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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