4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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