wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
