Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
