It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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