I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
