You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
