If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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