The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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