I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
