didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
