3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
