matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
