he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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