The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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