That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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