We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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