I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
