I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
