im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
