She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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