if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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