We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize