I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
