Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
