you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
