If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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