well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
