I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
