some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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