Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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