I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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