Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
