You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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