This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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