So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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