I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
