I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
