Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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