he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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