i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
