Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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