he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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