im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize