he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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