speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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