I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
