but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
