i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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