nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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