I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize