FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
