Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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