Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
