Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
