Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
