I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
