my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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