saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
