You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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