She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad