is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
