Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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