I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
